Satire (Terror Australis)
...ou to work Mayor: Oh, This meeting is adjourned. (Mayor leaves) Dave: Wow one million schmack-a-roonies! Goose: Oy! Dave, Maybel! I gotta question! Dave: What is it Goose? Goose: What’s an Afghan? Dave: (Laughing) You don’t know what a… You have no idea? (Laughter) You don’t… Maybel: I don’t know Dave. Dave: (Laughter) You don’t… Neither do I. Oy Maybel! Get out the dictionary… It’s in the Scrabble box. Thanks a lot. Afghan, Afghan, Ahhh here we are an Afghan is a large slim dog with long silky hair. Maybel: I’ve heard of them. They must have gone ferrel! Dave: But why did we get one million bucks to fight dogs? Maybel: The mayor said we gotta make sure defence is kept up. Goose: You guys! You don’t reckon he said we gotta make sure the FENCE is kept up. Dave: Of course! The money is to build fences around our farms! Goose be a sport and put the dictionary back won’t ya? Goose: Yeah I’ll put it back! (Blackout) Scene 2: Act 1: Mayor: Here ye Here ye. I have called you all here again because I want to know your progress on the Afghan issue. Maybel has started to knit us all uniforms so that we look like soldiers. I want this town to be proud about what we stand for. Have I ever told you about when I fought for Vietnam? Dave: Yeah the one where you got your bum blown off when you were sitting down taking a dump? Crowd: (Laughter) Mayor: It was the upper hamstring muscle thank you very much. And I am sorry for saving all your lives and being injured for my services. Dave: I’m sorry Frank! We appreciate everything you’ve done. Crowd: Here, Here. Mayor: Anyway how is your plan going? Dave: I have put the fences all around my farm. Mayor: Defences all around the farm? Good onya Dave. What about you Goose? Goose: Well, the alluvium was atrocious. I assembled and aligned the armaments made from ash. I used an adze agglutinated to my arm and after an aeon I achieved my aim. To appreciate my amazing achievement I awaited upon the apex of an alp ajar from my abode and my jaw was agape. I was aghast albeit… Mayor: What the hell is Goose talking about? Dave: Goose didn’t put the dictionary back in the Scrabble box and he is only up to ‘A’. Mayor: Right. Well then. I recommend only spending about a quarter of your money now and spending the rest after more talks. Oh, ‘Mcleod’s Daughters’ is on in ten minutes. Let’s hurry this up people. Any questions? Yes Maybel. Maybel: I haven’t seen any dogs yet Frank. So me two metre fence must be keeping them out. Mayor: What? Maybel: Th...