I Belong Nowhere: The Struggles of Depression and Isolation in Maverick Women
...ld be interchanged to either story – Jesse becomes accustomed to living like a vegetable, and Juletane doesn’t know how to hold onto her life, the way it’s become. Neither woman could stomach the fact that they had completely made themselves into the alienated persons they were. Another similarity between the two is that they each have specific focuses that get them from day to day. Juletane “goes mad”, spends all her time alone, and begins to only spend time with her journal. Her writing passes the time, and keeps her going through her life. She comments, “I had become accustomed to a certain monotonous daily rhythm…” (Vieyra, 67) – eating, sleeping, and writing. Jesse concentrates on taking care of things for her mother. Her “monotonous daily rhythm” was her small little mundane chores, like cleaning and getting someone to come to the house with groceries are what pass her time. At the end, when she becomes intent on killing herself, she puts her mind on just that; plotting everything out, from getting towels to actually doing it. Juletane says of her journal, “writing will shorten my long hours of discouragement” (Vieyra, 5), and for Jesse suicide will do the same. Even what Jesse says about smoking is comparable to Juletane’s concentration on her diary – “Just like it was the last time, right there when you want it and real quiet” (Norman, 56). Both women also have this longing, which is never achieved. Juletane writes and writes her diary hoping to one day show it to Mamadou, telling him how horrible he’s made her life. She wants nothing more than to show him what he’s put her through. Jesse, on the other hand, wants internal peace. She wants to hang that “gone fishing” sign around her neck and have nothing to be sad about for the rest of time. Jesse can’t find something to be happy about, and that’s all she really wants. Failing at finding internal peace, she settles for external peace in suicide. Her focus changes when she starts to say that she longs for quiet and silence – she just wants the noise in her head to stop. It is this goal that she achieves, while we never see her accomplish that inner peace. These women feel trapped in worlds where not a single soul understands them, or their true desires. Jultane calls herself “the family scourge, the leper whom they hide” (Vieyra, 41). She feels bound to her marriage by her religion, trapped with Mamadou and his extra wives, and in being forced, she can’t let herself conform and be accepted. Jesse tells Mama, “you have no earthly idea how I feel” (Norman, 55). She believes Mama and the rest of her family can’t understand the internal pains she has, and therefore has kept them to herself her entire life. Juletane, too, keeps her problems to herself, not letting anyone in to help. There are questions Juletane raises in her diary that also very closely relate to Jesse’s story. For instance, she asks “What if certain types of behavior which simple, ordinary people call madness, were just wisdom, a reflection of the clear-sighted hypersensitivity of a pure, upright soul plunged into a real or imaginary affective void?” (Vieyra, 2). This question can obviously be compared to Jesse’s opt for suicide. She thinks her suicide is not a sign of madness, but a “clear-sighted” decision to end her troubles. Juletane also asks “How did I fall into this well of misery, where my body has been lying for years, while my rebellious soul wears itself out in useless attempts to revolt, which leave me even more broken, more defeated than ever?” (Vieyra, 5) Jesse feels she has been going nowhere, her body just limp while her soul craves freedom. Her attempts at normalcy are her attempts to revolt, and each time she has been left closer to suicide. Lastly, Juletane asks “Why is it that on this earth some people have such a good life, while others suffer only misfortune despite the fact that they are upright and honest?” (Vieyra, 58) Jesse is a seemingly upright person, however isolated she may be. Yet she has Epilepsy, and constantly finds problems with everything in her life. Juletane is questioning her misfortune in life here, and Jesse does the same thing. They are both victims of unfortunate situations, no matter how upright and honest they are. These vital, pivotal questions are relevant to both stories, and both women. These women, too, share many of the same emotions. Juletane feels “lost, alone in the world” (Vieyra, 12), much like Jesse does. Jesse says that she is tired, hurt, sad, and that she feels used, as does Juletane. Juletane remarks, “I feel drained” (Vieyra, 78) at the end of her life – Jesse, having the same outlook on her life. They also ...