Forgiveness
... my anger may surprise you. I already knew where this angry energy was coming from the nightmare of being beaten, kicked. and abused from the prisoner that tried to kill me. But how to safely let it out? I paced restlessly in my backyard, then picked up an empty flowerpot and threw it against the concrete patio. The sound of it breaking was very satisfying to me, so I picked up another and repeated the process. The problem was, they were not my flowerpots. One of my friends adult sons, an avid hunter, suggested that I buy a box of clay targets (about four dollars) and use them to vent my feelings. But how? I saw the answer leaning, silent and strong, against the wall of my garage. And so I named each of the targets for an offense by the prisoner, and then crushed them with a single swing from the heavy sledgehammer. One by one, as the tears that had been so long closed up within my soul began to flow freely. I broke almost an entire box of clay targets that day and as I smashed them, I prayed for God to release me from the anger and bitterness of my own soul. I repented for allowing those feelings to reside deep within me for so long, and then a strange thing happened. I began to feel the strings of forgiveness, and I realized that I was no longer chained to my past. Those chains, like the targets, had snapped beneath the force of the sledgehammer and the Holy Spirit's response to my prayers. The way out of anger is through the gate of forgiveness, and what lies beyond that gate is love. Not the wimpy, fuzzy love that says, "Use me" or "Abuse me", but love that is bold and unafraid to reach out and touch things that might be considered unlovely, unlovable and untouchable. Only when God sets us free from the pain of our past and releases our souls from anger and resentment are we truly free to love. I've heard many survivors say they could never love their accessed. Unless they first know and receive God's love, that is probably true. We cannot give away what we do not have, and many survivors did not receive appropriate love from their parents. Their love tank is empty. Through the working of the Holy Spirit, we are enabled to love others; by ourselves, it is often impossible. Is it easy to forgive those who have so blatantly violated us? No. But God helped me to realize that the debt my father owed me was one I could not collect. Forgiveness leaves the judgment and payment collecting to God, who judges righteously. Following the release of my anger, I began to have a love in my heart for all people. My emotions were no longer in neutral, and I was free...