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Unlearning the Hard Way I view myself as an idealist, committed to unlimited progress. For years I have insisted that we unlearn our racism, our homophobia, our sexism, and I have declared capitalism one of the great tragedies of a so-called American democracy. Being from St. Croix Virgin Islands, I have always been critical of my own acts in complicity with institutions which oppress others. However, until I nominated myself for a break in dating, I rarely questioned the racial politics of my own dating selection. I know how I "ended up" this way. I look to the men of color who I grew up with in discerning my racist ideas about dating. And the reality of our socialization is disturbing. However, a examining of our politics has informed my transformation in how I would like to develop a relationship free from racism and exploitation. A black male friend of mine told me that when he was young he told his mother that he would marry, "a blue eyed, blond haired woman." When I was 10 or 11 years old, I can remember a black male classmate asking me what black women I found attractive. He had suspiciously witnessed my obsession of sorts with white women, and my playing guitar in metal, hair bands. I answered him on cue by regurgitating the names of the black women my brother found attractive. That was the first time I ever remember thinking the racial politics of my desires were questionable. The truth was, I didn't find any black women attractive and did not particularly think that was problematic. Since then, things have changed. Throughout high school, my black male friends shared the same desire for white women that I had. However, after leaving high school we brought our desires to very different surroundings in college and ended up with a variety of dating partners despite our similar ideas when we were young. I had a variety of experiences with black, yellow and white women. None of them were very functional. When I would relate disturbing stories of my dating experiences with black women, one black male childhood friend told me that he just couldn't deal with black women.
Approximate Word count = 1356
Approximate Pages = 5.4
(250 words per page double spaced)
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