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50 Things 2 Do In Walmart • Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. • Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. • Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. • Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in. • Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. • Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. • Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. • Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. • When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. • Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. • Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10". • Play with the automatic doors. • Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. • While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?" • Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department. • Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive." • Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. • Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field . • As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!" • Put M&M's on layaway. • Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. • Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows fromBed and Bath. • Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. • Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. • Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!" • TP as much of the store as possible. • Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. • Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. • When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" • When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!" • Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" • Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. • Take bets on the battle described above. • Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. • While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible. • Hold indoor shopping cart races. • Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." • Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. • Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. • Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?" • Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. • Two words: "Marco Polo." • Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc. • "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. • In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels. • When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. • Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. • When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" • Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. • Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 50 Fun Things To Do On The First Day Of School 1.Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector. 2.Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 3.Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 4.When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!" 5.Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute". 6.Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow. 7.Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 8.Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 9.Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch. 10.Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook. 11.Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your intention to pursue a career in measurements and units. 12.Sing your questions. 13.Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme. 14.When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry." 15.Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly. 16.Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it. 17.Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so. 18.Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". 19.Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken. 20.Stare continually at the professor's crotch. Occassionally lick your lips. 22.Address the professor as "your excellency". 23.Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking. 24.Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture. 25.Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face. 26.Ask whether you have to come to class. 27.Present the professor with a large fruit basket. 28.Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class. 29.Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become aggitated when the professor can't understand you. 30.Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers. 31.Watch the professor through binoculars. 32.Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall. 33.Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.
Approximate Word count = 4616
Approximate Pages = 18.5
(250 words per page double spaced)
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