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Divorce is affecting many marriages today, and many of these marriages involve children. Divorce ends the marriage, and consequently affects the children. I will depict the different stages of childhood and show how each stage is affected differently by divorce, as well as show how each stage can be dealt with in a different way. In this paper, I would like to discuss how children are affected emotionally before the divorce, throughout the divorce, and after the divorce. ... There are many silly reasons for divorce, yet there are many serious ones as well. ... Forgetting about the spouses needs is what leads to divorce. ... Whatever the case may be, an unhappy marriage leads to a divorce.
Divorce can put an end to an unhappy marriage; however, divorce has an impact on all the parties involved; the husband, the wife, and the children. All these parties involved live with one another, and all have to deal with the conflicts that arise and they have to deal with the steps that lead to unhappiness and divorce. Although the parents are affected much by the divorce, the children are the ones who are affected most, because they have to live in the middle of everything, yet they may have had nothing to do with the fights, the unhappiness, or the divorce.
Before a divorce, those younger than early childhood age do not realize much more than the tension in the household. Early childhood age children and older may feel that they are living a happy life, whether or not they truly are. Many children are in denial about their parents unhappiness and they seem to think that everything is wonderful in their parents marriage and in their home life. Many children at this age see no wrong in their home lives, sincerely hoping that there really is no wrong.
Whether or not the child truly has a perfect pre-divorce life, it is normal, and actually expected, that the children have some negative reactions to the divorce, his parents, and the changed home life. Children react to change, and divorce delivers immense change in their lives. Before a divorce, throughout a divorce, and even after a divorce, children are affected and it is important for parents to cater to the needs of their child, as well as their own needs at this hard time.
The children should be the main concern in divorce. "The [parents] primary goal should be to minimize the emotional harm to these children. The main way to achieve this is to help the children maintain a close and secure relationship with both parents" (Clinical Reference Systems, Dec. ... Children, for the most part, have a hard time dealing with all of the changes that occur with divorce and they all react differently. "[There were] found more than two hundred newspaper articles and opinion pieces trumpeting the new finding that divorce was worse than we thought, a catastrophe for kids" (Coontz, p. ... Children feel as though their whole world is crashing around them and they just do not know what to do about it.
Children try to deal with this "catastrophe," and then begin to show strains in all different areas of their lives. ... These problems are the less severe of the many problems children face with divorce, but should not be ignored at all. Without considering these problems, the child begins to feel that his parents do not care about him anymore, and the problems then escalate:
At current rates, about forty percent of United States children will witness the breakup of their parents marriages before they reach eighteen [1]. The research literature leaves no doubt that, on average, children of divorced parents experience more emotional and behavioral problems and do less well in school than children who live with both biological parents [2]. (Science, June 7, 1991)
"Other problems children face are not being able to open up to their parents anymore because they begin to lose trust in them, they can suffer from depression, and they can even run away" (www. ... These problems are more intense and more severe, however, parents can try to lessen the effects of divorce on the child by working with the child and the other parent in order to help the child deal with all his fears, anxieties, and insecurities.
When children begin to show signs that the divorce is affecting them, it is the parents job to help the child through it. ... Children need to be reassured that both parents will continue to love them, that they will not be deserted, and that they will continue to be looked after" (Elkind, p. ...
All children of divorce are affected in some way, but younger children show the greatest immediate signs of stress. ... First, young children have few relationships outside the family to which they can turn to for emotional support. Second, grasping the reasons for divorce is particularly hard for young children because they are emotionally and cognitively immature. ... 314)
"Divorce affects all aspects of a childs life---from school performance and relationships with friends and parents to hopes for the future" (Frieman, p. ... Children will most likely not undergo all of these changes; however, every child that has to go through a divorce in their family goes through some sort of change.
"Many researchers have documented how parental behaviors can effect the childs long-term adjustment to divorce. Parental hostility has been identified as one of the key stressors that contribute to the long-term problems of children" (Frieman, p. ... Children need to feel that the parents can still be decent with one another when together, and they need to know that their parents are still working together on everything that involves this child. ...
Without a sense of security, children begin to blame themselves for the divorce. The children begin to feel as if it was their fault and that if they had been better kids, behaved better, or did not ask for so much, and then their parents would still be together:
. ... tending to view the world from their own perspective and limited in their ability to reason logically, [children of divorced families] tend to blame themselves for their parents breakup. ... 314)
No matter what, parents need to assure their children that whatever happened between mommy and daddy had absolutely nothing to do with the children. Children sometimes begin to feel as though they have to be in the middle of the whole situation in order to keep peace in the household. They are put in the middle of arguments, asked to take sides in the divorce, and asked to choose who they want to live with; that is not fair to them.
At all different stages of life, children feel differently and deal differently with their parents divorce. From birth to eighteen months, children have many trust problems associated with the divorce. ...
Children are able to detect a sense of stress at any age, including the infant stage, even though they are young and small. "[At this stage], children are able to detect that there is some tension, but they cannot understand the reasoning behind the conflict. ... It may seem amazing that a child can feel the tension that is going on in a household at such a young age, however, children can always detect distress, and they begin to react to it. ... [Children] are however, acutely aware of the emotional climate in the family" (Clinical Reference Systems, Dec 1997, p. ...
Children from birth to eighteen months have a reaction to the divorce just as much as any other age child would. ... 1379)
At the age of eighteen months to three years, children become more independent and much more talkative. This stage is where children begin to notice more and feel the tension more:
Change in the environment at this age can be very difficult
for a child; they need predictability and a stable environment.
Approximate Word count = 6525
Approximate Pages = 26.1
(250 words per page double spaced)
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